~*^My Joke Calendar^*~

I have this joke calendar on my desk next to me. I guess I'll share.
~[Some/Most of the jokes aren't funny depending on your sense of humor. If this is the case, get over it.]~

July 13 Sunday

Texan:"Where are you from?"

Harvard grad:"I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositons."

Texan:"Okay-where are you from, jackass?"

July 14th is missing.

July 15 Tuesday

A husband told his wife that a good husband is like fine wine. The next day she locked him in the cellar.

lol this one is good for july 16

i love women as much as wiskey...12 years old mixed up with coke XD LMAO

July 16 Wednesday

To introduce a class on bipolar disorder, the psychology professor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Kerana wrote:

lol this one is good for july 16

i love women as much as wiskey...12 years old mixed up with coke XD LMAO

gO BY thE BOok!


/murloc sound

Here's one my cousin said to me, since my name is 'Paris'.. sigh, they always do jokes like this.
Me: Mind if I sit here?
Cousin: Hilton's don't sit, they bend over!

It's a old joke

Nya haha

July 17 Thursday

A man sitting at a bar started a conversation with another patron. As the night went on, the first man noticed, "Say, you've got your wedding ring on the wrong finger." The other patron said, "Yes. I married the wrong woman."

Heres a couple my bro once told me:
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

number2:

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock, knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s half past three in the morning.

I will happily ignore that he thinks, and tries to go back to sleep.

However, a louder knock follows.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” asks his wife who is also awake now.

Not wanting a row he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs and opens the door to be greeted by a man standing outside.

“Hey mate,” says the stranger, “can you give me a push please?”

“You’re joking! It’s half past three in the morning. I was in bed fast asleep,” says the man and shuts the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.

“That’s charming”, she says, “Don’t you remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way home, you had to knock at that house to get help? What would have happened if they had refused us?”

“OK, OK” he says in resignation, and gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door but can’t see the stranger anywhere. So he shouts, “Hello, do you still want a push?”

In the distance a voice cries out, “Yes please.”

Still unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?”
"Over here on the swings."